A Sip of Water

I vomited in my car today. I was parked in front of my doctor’s office sipping on water. It decided to go down the wrong pipe and everything came up. I was coughing uncontrollably and those uncontrolled actions extended to my bladder and I wet myself too. I couldn’t stop. I was gasping for air and not getting any. I thought, I can’t die in my car, so I got out and just stood on the outside gasping, knowing that if I should pass out someone would see me. Finally, I could get air out of my lungs, so I hoped that if I kept trying to take a breath, I would get a little to go in. After what seems like forever, I was able to inhale, little by little until I could breath normal again.

It shook me up pretty bad – needing air and not getting it. I seem to get these pulmonary aspiration once or twice a year. This was the first time I vomited.

This all happened while I was at the oncology office for my weekly blood draw. But there I was near my car covered with vomit and urine. Do I go home or go inside? It was 4pm, and I needed the blood draw that day in order for them to get the results before my next chemo round, so I went in. I was nervous. I got a few strange looks. I had on white pants that were covered with the remains of my lunch that included red sauce. Clearly I looked like a woman in distress. I explained to the receptionist what happened, asked for a towel to sit on and waited to be called to the back. My blood was drawn and I took myself home. What a day.

Right now my throat is sore – like having the worse sore throat in your life – sore. Every time I swallow it hurts physically and is an emotional reminder of how for the longest of seconds I wondered if I would make it.

None of this had to do with cancer. It has everything to do with life being precious and scary and even a sip of water can be a threat.